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Your first time

Find out the 10 things you need to ask yourself if you're thinking about having sex.

Most people have sex for the first time when they're 16 or older, not before. If someone's boasting about having sex, it's possible that they're pretending.

Although there's a legal age of consent, it's not necessarily the right age for you to start having sex.

There are no rules about how long you have to be going out with someone before you do it. Being ready happens at different times for everyone - don't decide to have sex just because your friends are pressuring you.



You can always choose whether you want to have sex, whoever you're with. Just because you've done it before, even with the same person, doesn't mean that you have to do it again. 

Working out whether you're ready is one of life's big decisions. You're the only one who can, and should, decide. Whether you're thinking about losing your virginity or having sex again, remember the following tips:



It's better to have an embarrassing talk about sex than an embarrassing sexual encounter before you're ready. There are lots of things to think and talk about, such as:

  • are you both ready?
  • will you be having sex for the right reasons and not because of peer pressure?

Sex isn't the only aspect of a relationship, and there are other ways of enjoying each other's company.

Discuss what you want and what you don't want to do. You can do other things that you both like, such as talking, meeting each other's family and friends, going to gigs or the cinema, doing sport, walking, and listening to music.



You need to have the confidence to work out how you want to respond if sex comes up, and how far to go. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable. Is it the right time, in the right place, and with the right person? Do you really trust the person, and do you feel the same way about one another?

If you think you might have sex, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does it feel right?
  • Do I love my partner?
  • Does he/she love me just as much?
  • Have we talked about using condoms, and was the talk OK?
  • Have we got contraception organised to protect against pregnancy? 
  • Do I feel able to say 'no' at any point if I change my mind, and will we both be OK with that?

If you answer yes to all these questions, the time may be right. But if you answer yes to any of the following questions, it might not be:

  • Do I feel under pressure from anyone, such as my partner or friends?
  • Could I have any regrets afterwards?
  • Am I thinking about having sex just to impress my friends or keep up with them? 
  • Am I thinking about having sex in order to keep my partner?

Being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to have sex. Even if you've done it once or twice you still need to make sure that your boyfriend or girlfriend is as keen as you each time.



When you decide to have sex, there's the possibility of pregnancy and/or catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI) such as chlamydia. Whoever you're thinking of having sex with, it's important to talk about contraception before you have sex. Both of you have a responsibility to have this conversation.


Your Sexual Health Matters

To get local help and advice on a wide range of subjects from pregnancy, contraception, STI testing and relationships visit Your Sexual Health Matters

This is a countywide service that offers free, confidential and local support.

This information has been provided by NHS Choices.